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VIEW IN MY ROOM

Another Replacement Service Painting

Lavinia De Ayr

United Kingdom

Painting, Acrylic on Paper

Size: 4.6 W x 3.3 H x 0 D in

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About The Artwork

Creating an identity over an identity An identification of a problem The over identification Last of the latter day paintings have been found! St-Upid turn around 1999! Platform of strange events Where the Replacements never end! A Fiction To presume it is all in the head Sometimes You can go somewhere, and it sparks your imagination, no end! The run of the mill, and the extremely ordinary! Sets off a membrane Of untold stories! I suppose subconsciously the question I had been asking myself over, and over again is; what will it take for me to completely disconnect? Let go? Stop running off into the imagination Or reality Of what others do Or maybe what they are thinking to do Or what I think they are going to do! As the Wanting Entrepreneur It is a kind of strong statement to say A business is going to be about what you are going through In part Or in whole Such a description Or mission statement Has more than one Scary element I got back to work After years of schlepping To the shops, and back Being indoors For the better part of most weeks For the better part of about three, and a half years After working a job that took me, far, and wide sometimes, on a daily basis Every day a different day One house move did connect that opportunity to a particular type of jealously I then experienced being somewhat socially severed An isolation That easily appeared self-imposed To a degree was self-imposed But, not fully Emotionally Or mentally A dilapidated state A debilitating way A deep inner turmoil continued to ensue It is a state blamed on an individual's lack of responsibility It is an experience created by an enforcer Where personal responsibility is deflected And reflected upon the one in the blind-spot who is weaker What would be ordinary? Is to mix, and socialise with people who are speaking from free will What is enforced? Is to have to mix, and socialise among those who have been told to only express certain things It is a cult like sect style as they search with their eyes To see if you can detect Their lies It is, or was a programme Of a surrounded state! Being surrounded in a state A state of fear, state! A programme of mind games That I Was not playing An inner turmoil broke out As I experienced, and could see certain truths that were being lied about A personal space had been entered Forced to realise a pattern of somebody else’s plans Each time I had taken the option to move on Move house away from bad experiences It would personally change the space the bad experience had taken up in my mind, life, mentality, emotionally, spiritually, and my personal space Though, I still fought an internal fight as to why I had let my life get into such a state during those times Unfortunately, that reflected, and attracted The direct witness of those who would further manipulate, indirectly Yet gain direct insults to my personal feelings of freedom, directly Created invisibly The no go areas The dead end hole Of what they were trying to attain overall I was only ever trying to make it in life A lot of times doing what I had always done As like anyone Updating, as things, and times move on Just trying to make it in life Not into stardom Feared by those who were playing the NO freedom mind games Just for trying to make it, in life Pay the rent Eat better food Get well Get out of debt Be free to choose not to have sex Be free to choose who to choose to be beside me, in bed Be free to heal, and not be seen as somebody else's one way currency Be free to move on from those who believe you should be on the "game!" Not benefiting from the career/job/business investment, you made! Be free to reach out for help, and that not become shrouded in the mystery, of somebody else! The truth was I became locked into a fear I had just walked up the road It was a long uphill walk I lived at the back In the gully Is what I called it! Of a large-what is known as sprawling social housing estate! I just walked out Off the estate A daily occurrence, I had hoped for but did not always happen Mostly, always on my own Solitary, in some ways helped save me A relationship is great But, unfortunately They are not always safe It takes a lot of discernment to come across a good, safe, lover, and a forever life time mate! As usual, my head was in the clouds I had moved a little bit further out Of the centre of London It was supposed to be a quiet down, and it was to a certain extent As I turned around There he was Some, somebody Screwing up his face As though cursing at me "Who do you think you are walking away from everybody?" Previously, previously Not the last address, but the address before I had come home to find My bank statement Left Delivered, outside of my front door! It was not random At the time I could not think of who, what, where, or when I was getting ready to move on again Gang Warnings? Affiliate Stalking? When anyone group is started Break it back down From however successful it has become It is still down to one person making the decisions One person's healing Or One person's narcissism? Everything always has evidence Even by the creation of no evident evidence There is still evidence That in, and of itself is evidence! Belief is the key Reaching for help Providing you do not have to relay anything to those who are closed off In itself can be a freedom to something From being stalked It can take layers of undoing To see your own life again In best way it can be It is to strive Or walk easily, too Or upon the path of life being without difficulty It was like the combination of years Years of impossibility The years before I could not get away from just about the minimum wage A leap of faith that probably only I could see The expectation to sit, and be in the dead of not the best of qualifications Broken edges Constant reflection Maverick Helter-skelter But made it Rising slowly Back and forth Out of the defiance That reflected, and attracted But, did it? Got up, and out Back then But, did it? Was hesitant Gut feeling was constantly churning There were markers in the sand Markers in the greener grass But, did it? Early mornings, just sitting I had moved I had moved on But… Something…. Something…. Someone….. Had not gone! I sat there I just used to sit there I did not really know the place I felt big then But, I was not as obese then, as I am now I felt like I looked a mess Was so weak, and fragile inside With only determination to carry me through any tide Self Esteem Self Confidence were almost powerless My head was beyond It had been, and gone To them, the anonymous it was some kind of continual test! To me It was not forgetting what it was like to live, on what would take at times less than five hours to make, live on that for an entire week, again! Nerve racking Completely nerve racking Was not about anything, or anybody else But, how I was going to avoid messing this thing up, again Through all the particular arrangement of false How was I going be among who is true? Early hours of the morning have a certain clarity, and mystery The time a day where everywhere still seems sleepy Placid quiet Lapping waters Misty blurry hues The boredom of excitement Something was still wrong The patterns where not done It was as though someone had put out a sweetener on everyone I had driven for years Admittedly, there were those who never wanted to see me There were those who just loved seeing me get all het up There were those who needed my character to take constant blows Just part of the way success is, not just for me, in general It is components, unfortunately, though it does not have to be, has been accepted as being customary! I wondered about so much It was real With no real answers I wondered if it was possible Because, I had seen a pattern For someone to know, see, or be where you live Know where you work Somehow in a form of subtly appear to be an ordinary part of something that is not quite ordinary Be there Fulfil their clinical need To somehow fit in to your everyday movements? I had moved house I was healing myself out of the effect of the mind state, of a lot of negativity Evidently, though it stands to reason in my mind That if I am in an area among someone with whom I have a problem To get up, and move completely away from them ought to mean that problem will not occur again! To a lesser, or greater degree for a formation of a pattern to continue Means to me I have not gotten a way But, someone else has stayed, or moved on to continue the problem......hence a continuation created the platform of strange events You are not the camera You are not perfect It is the mind games, and patterns of a stalker! A lynch pin in society That sees many peoples lives Be turned inside out If not for those who try their utmost to undo Tackling perception Trying to change what support is given! To sing.... Its for you Tackling who won't leave Its for you Its for you I cannot tell you how much it means to have somebody do something in respect of life IROL=In Respect of Life There is true love And then there is the attraction of parts The attraction that fulfils a weakness Strengthens a hatred Feeds an insecurity Enables power struggles Deletes love and replicates lust as love, and insecurity as the pulling power that keeps it all together Confusion and continual perpetuation of clinging on Rather than the commitment to someone Natural Flowism A Freedom of Being! I am so thankfully, grateful, and blessed, to repent, and surrender to the forgiveness of everything I have experienced in life, that has made the sharing, the curating, and creating of this collection possible! ^ Thank you for my healing! ^ Amen! ^ A short course in free flow journal writing as a type of form of personal psychotherapy, and a short course in the basic sketching, have reunited to create a path way of self healing. I have found the experience of re-visiting pain through different forms of art, incredible cathartic. Abuse is an erratic journey to be in. Especially, when there is a campaign to completely cover it up. Or you are dealing with individuals who are completely unaware that what they are doing, is abusive.

Details & Dimensions

Painting:Acrylic on Paper

Original:One-of-a-kind Artwork

Size:4.6 W x 3.3 H x 0 D in

Shipping & Returns

Delivery Time:Typically 5-7 business days for domestic shipments, 10-14 business days for international shipments.

Born in London. From kitchen table top, to connecting to the market place creating a hub of creativity. I have had the opportunity and privilege to live and experience many different area's in England and addresses in and around London, living in different social conditions, with a different set of challenges and joy's at each location. These experiences continue to be the biggest influence and inspiration for my work to date, inspiring imaginative impressions, which translate into expressions of fictional characters, and decorative designs. Whilst I did attend formal schooling, I did manage to achieve leaving secondary schooling without qualifications. Later gaining qualifications by investing in vocational training. I initially took up sketching to help me with clothes design, attending a local community college, it was a cheaper option as a young parent at the time. I come from a background of naturally creative people, where things like clothes were made without patterns, or any prior preparation for design. It was a time of instinctive survival, with a jump in and get it done way of living and thinking, learn on the go type of attitude toward life. Writing poetry plays the role of being my first point of creativity, it is a combination of free flow journal writing, "free flow" is a method of unblocking personal expression. Examples of this is the pen sketch and textile remnant journals, where poetry, meaningful sayings, and short messages meet. Expressing myself through writing journals, poetry, and even finding a way of writing threw creating an image, led me to explore painting as a further means of deeper self expression, exploration and release. What emerged is a spontaneous method of painting, composition admittedly is not a study in every piece initially, but emerges in the form of allowing a subject to develop in a space, in whatever form or position it takes. Coming from the era where Art was not seen as a proper job, taking that notion on - for a long time. I struggled to come terms with art as anything other than frivolity, despite being a creative. To understand my work further; The experience behind the creative process. Throughout my life as a child to present day I have been effected by the collection of behaviours known as Stalking. As a child and teen I witnessed others experiences.

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