blue trace Painting by Chansong Kim

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Art Description

Painting: Oil on Canvas.

Uncanny Gap

I feel uncomfortable when I show myself to others. Such a feeling is similar to the emotion of shyness. Others may quickly notice this unnaturalness that I feel as if the organs of my body were disconnected and existed separately. With such awkwardness, I feel that I have difficult problems when I present myself before other people. Other people seem to have complete control of their body and look natural. I feel in the opposite way and seem to stand outside certain boundaries. It seems that the parts of my part are disconnected and exist separately.

Originally, I did not experience division of my body at my first home. That was the place where all existent things finally became “me’. At that place, I had an experience with fulfillment without being divided. However, the minute that I realized that I was no more at one with that place, I was ejected from that place and wriggled toward the outside. Standing there, I had a strong desire for my first home and created my second home, the alternative to the first one.

No sooner had I entered my body completely there than I realized again that I was an existence of outside world. At that moment, the second house familiar to me was not the same house which I knew of and changed into an object of fear. Instantly, my body begins to have a seizure in an ambiguous situation where it is not sure what parts I should spit out or whether I have to be driven out. And the anxious other person in me makes boundaries blurred and begins to appear.


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blue trace

Chansong Kim

South Korea

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