are you still there? Print

Growing up, I always knew that I wanted to be a painter. Despite pursuing a very different education and career path in the beginning, at the age of 25, I decided to leave everything behind and devote myself fully to art. Since then, I have been pursuing painting as a full-time mission, and I have never looked back. While self-portraiture was my main field of interest from the beginning, I always asked myself about the reason. Yet, I didn't have a clear answer for many years. I tried other subjects and attempted to find meaning in everyday life, but there was something in self-portraiture that drew me to it, stronger each day. In 2023, after experiencing heavy depression following the "woman-life-freedom" era in my country, I decided to leave. Hoping for significant changes, I found none. Wandering the streets of Kadikoy, Istanbul, I questioned what I wanted to do next and the purpose of being a painter and being alive. It was then that I started writing. Throughout my life, I have been questioned a lot—every single decision I made, my appearance, behavior, beliefs—by family, partners, friends, and society. I lost myself in this process. In 2019, I began a series of self-portraits with the goal of having a solo show somewhere. Little did I know it would be the starting point for delving deeply into darker waters, to reconnect with the dreamer I used to be. I found her in a small apartment in Yeldegirmeni, Kadikoy, Istanbul. Standing on her feet again, a bit trembling but standing, dreaming about all the things she is capable of. Now, all those self-portraits have their meaning. They represent my inner dreamer telling her story, her essence from her own perspective, without others interpreting or imposing their views of right or wrong. Through my work, I hope to inspire viewers to explore their own selves and the world within them. I believe that art has the power to connect people and foster a deeper understanding of ourselves and each other. I am excited to continue my journey as an artist now here in France and see where it takes me next.