evolve Artwork

Learning that it was completely normal was one of the most important conversations I've ever had in my life. Having to adapt so long to prepare my body for unexpected explosive events daily formed this coping skill of complete and total avoidance. Adapting to survive. If I felt it all I don't think I would have. Compartmentalizing events into categories of "good" or "bad". "my fault" or "not my fault, maybe..". Everything fit into a category where I'd lock it away, and keep moving. Leaving chaos behind and losing every possible source of drama becomes addicting in itself. This entire summer I have been reminiscing on how many different lives I feel like I've lived. I cannot even tap into who I was a few years ago, it feels like a movie I watched or a story I heard. For the past almost two years I've gotten up and chosen every single day to do something to help heal my core. It took a long time to set the boundaries I needed to, but when I did I felt like I could breathe for the first time. Even though there are many days I wake up with anxiety and fear this serenity is too good to be true, those feelings decrease when I make the choice to work through them. Instead of stuffing them away somewhere. Feelings of self-doubt, fear, worry, loneliness, and sadness will crop up no matter how happy you are. It is a part of being human. Finding magic in the way humans can adapt to their surroundings inspires me every day to keep working towards creating my idea of my perfect surroundings. With a deep knowledge that I cannot run from my feelings because they will always come back to the surface. I developed gratitude for feeling intensely knowing that if I work through them now I will keep evolving into the best version of myself.