Salma Hayek as Frida Kahlo Dreaming About Asparagus Painting

I am what is generally known as a new wave pop folk artist. Usually I work by sitting at a desk with my head in my hands staring at the wall for several weeks, before jumping up and doing a painting in a few minutes. After which I kiss it lovingly - though only when it's dry. My technique is based around putting down various colour layers - with hands, brushes, knives, bits of rag or old gloves - adding new colour quickly and then scratching away wet paint to show the layer below. This is in part an attempt to reveal the perceived mask/veneer of subjects, be they lanscapes, people or memories. It also works on a more sensual level, allowing me to attack my own paintings and crack them open a little bit. Although I'm now older than John Lennon was when he died, and Dino Zoff was when he collected a World Cup winner's medal, I like to think of myself as an emerging artist. I'm just emerging in slow motion.