nature morte Painting

Hi, I'm Katya. Self-taught artist from Russia. As a child, I was a very vulnerable child, it seemed to me that everyone around me wanted to offend me. Because of these thoughts, I often hid in my imaginary world, where there were always a lot of non-existent animals and a lot of ice cream, where no one could get me. My inner world has always accepted me for who I am. And he always pushed me to do what I should do. That's when I realized that I love to draw. At first, I was drawing on furniture and walls, then on paper. My imagination always helped me in this and it turned out so clean, so true. I hope you understand what I mean. Then I grew up and my parents no longer allowed me to do "nonsense". My parents wanted a "serious, good job" for me. Then began a period of my life that I still don't understand. The world inside me, which always saved me and protected me from adversity, began to crumble with gray prohibitions and misunderstandings of others. "Why are you so weird? Why are you silent? Why are you not doing your job well? Why aren't you like everyone else?" All these questions made me break down. I wondered what was wrong with me, what I was doing wrong. I tried to make people like me, but I didn't realize it was impossible. Now I'm completely broken, I can't control my anger. I'm really trying. It's not like me, I've always been a calm, quiet person. Things got out of hand. I think I have a lot of psychological trauma. My work is saving me now. When I work at the canvas, there is a huge, unbridled energy inside me that will destroy half the planet if it breaks out of me. I don't know if it's good or bad yet, but I like it. I just now came to the idea that I want to do what I like, and not others. I no longer want to and cannot ( in my right mind) try to please others