"the zoo #1" Photograph

It is a set of parameters for me, photography. A way to keep my sanity intact. This is how I am still connected to the world I live in.
I force myself into a journey with a camera that hides things from me. It is film large or medium format camera. I set a destination according to a map a story or a memory of a place.
I have a need to walk towards my destination. Long miles of walking without taking a single shot. If I am driving I will stop away from the subject that I see from far.

I see the image as a pray, I advance slowly towards the subject. In my mind the photo is already taken and at times I feel as if a building can run away from me. Run away from the frame, the trap I set, so I need to capture it fast. Make a quick efficient kill.

I can control an image without taking it. I know my way around the camera to the point it became a native extension of my eyes, processed directly by my brain. My eyes shorten any distance to the subject, they tilt shift and expose. I can have a sense of a printed image before it was ever taken.

When everything is set, I let go.
The moment where I release the shutter and expose the film to the light is that moment I can't be in. the camera obscura hides that moment from me. I loose control. The rush is put to a halt.
Everything was set, the image is perfect but I have no control on the outcome from that moment.
A latent image stretches time. At this moments, hours or days, I love and hate the image. I'm angry and frustrated not sure of what I have done.
In a matter of fact, that is the time where I must face my reflection.

In my journey I look for facilities, geometry that is man made and geometry that is forced by the frame, I look for the footprints of human history and my personal history, inner spaces that hold things with in and exteriors that are being held by the landscape.

The journey, which I started in order to make a distinction between the fantasy and the real, has failed.
I lack the ability to distinguish.
I've learned to use all the tools of logic, ratio and visual language trying to separate the irrational understanding of things from the mathematical logical truth. But it seems that they all became tools of personal expression making it impossible to distinguish.

What's left is what inscripted, the history of a man. The things I have done, the places I have been to and where I'm coming from.
All can be read in-between the lines.