History of the World: Part I Series #3 'First Served, First Come' Print

Comicus: Have you heard of this new sect, the Christians? They are a laugh riot! First of all, they are so poor... Swiftus: How poor are they? Comicus: Thank you! They are so poor... that they only have *one* God! [drumbeat, everyone laughs] Comicus: But we Romans are rich. We've got a lot of gods. We've got a god for everything. The only thing we don't have a god for is premature ejaculation... but I hear that's coming quickly. Marcus Vindictus: Oh Nympho, I would do anything to gain your favor. How can I catch you? How can ensnare you? What bait must I use to catch your love? I am your servant! Empress Nympho: Ah, but the servant waits, while the *master* baits! Comicus: All right, all right! Jesus! Jesus: Yes? Comicus: What? Jesus: What? Comicus: What? Jesus: Yes? Comicus: Jesus! Jesus: Yes? Comicus: What? Jesus: What? Comicus: You said what. Jesus: Yes? Comicus: Nothing. Dole Office Clerk: Occupation? Comicus: Stand-up philosopher. Dole Office Clerk: What? Comicus: Stand-up philosopher. I coalesce the vapors of human experience into a viable and meaningful comprehension. Dole Office Clerk: Oh, a *bullshit* artist! Comicus: *Grumble*... Dole Office Clerk: Did you bullshit last week? Comicus: No. Dole Office Clerk: Did you *try* to bullshit last week? Comicus: Yes! from ‘History of the World: Part I’ (1981) Starring Mel Brooks (Look Who’s Talking Too), Gregory Hines (Running Scared), Dom Deluise (Robin Hood: Men in Tights), and Madeline Kahn (Clue). Written and Directed by the Man himself Mel Brooks (Spaceballs). History of the World, Part I is a 1981 American sketch comedy film written, produced, and directed by Mel Brooks. Brooks also stars in the film, playing five roles: Moses, Comicus the stand-up philosopher, Tomás de Torquemada, King Louis XVI, and Jacques, le garçon de pisse. The large ensemble cast also features Sid Caesar, Shecky Greene, Gregory Hines (in his film debut), Charlie Callas; and Brooks regulars Ron Carey, Dom DeLuise, Madeline Kahn, Harvey Korman, Cloris Leachman, Andreas Voutsinas, and Spike Milligan. The film also has cameo appearances by Royce D. Applegate, Beatrice Arthur, Hugh Hefner, John Hurt, Phil Leeds, Barry Levinson, Jackie Mason, Paul Mazursky, Andrew Sachs and Henny Youngman, among others. Orson Welles narrates each story. Despite carrying the title Part 1, there is no sequel; the title is a play on The History of the World, Volume 1 by Sir Walter Raleigh, as detailed below. The end of the film presents a mock teaser trailer for History of the World, Part II, narrated by Brooks, which promises to include Hitler on Ice, a Viking funeral, and "Jews in Space", a parody of Star Wars and The Muppet Show. Despite the preview, no sequel has been released or was ever planned, and the "Part I" of the film's title is merely a historical joke (The History of the World, Volume 1 was written by Sir Walter Raleigh while prisoner in the Tower of London; he had only managed to complete the first volume before being beheaded). Source: Wikipedia