Ramble on Rose Painting

Since childhood I have been moved by the processes of creation and destruction. To draw, sculpt or otherwise create something from your imagination feels like magic to me; you think it and it is so. Erasing feels equally magical... It is there... then poof! It is gone. Magic. Growing up I spent most of my time drawing and in both high school and college I filled my electives with art classes. My focus was mainly ceramics and I found great meditation and reward in throwing on the wheel. After graduating with a degree in Psychology, I incorporated my love of the arts by leading art therapy groups in a behavioral health facility. But it wasn't until I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer in 2013 that I fully realized my calling as an artist. Faced with my own mortality, a surreal shock set in as I had to process the fact that the end could be very near. So, what I would do was work on my art while listening to stand-up comedy and just laugh my head off. At times I’d consider the fact I could be dead soon, yet I was laughing and would recall the Buddhist saying “When you realize how perfect everything is you will tilt your head back and laugh at the sky” and I’d laugh even harder. It was truly beautiful. I thanked the Universe and the Creator for allowing me this comfort in my time of the unknown. Suddenly I felt this drive to finish my unfinished paintings; I couldn't leave pieces incomplete if I were to pass. I was painting on the cave wall; leaving horcruxes for people to remember me after I was gone. And then I was offered the opportunity to add a sculpture to the main effigy to be burned for the Freeform Arts Festival. I decided to chainsaw sculpt a heart for the piece. It was symbolic of my acceptance of the impermanence of all things and my release from attachment. As I watched my work burn, just two weeks before surgery, I felt a great sense of relief and satisfaction and was no longer worried about the outcome. Today I find creating to be an outlet for my angst and a way to convey the ongoing story that is my life as a survivor. When I consider how finite our time here is, it leaves me awestruck to have another day to create and another day to make someone smile. I love what I do and I’m eternally grateful each day to have another opportunity to do it.