There’s A Pirate In Our Garden! Photograph

‘Tis a most peculiar feeling of the senses to return to these virtual shores and by that I ought really to clarify that this untouchable island that everyone seems to have floating in the palm of their hand is rather lackadaisical in appearance as opposed to the voyages of the real world that I am more fervidly partial to! Yet, I shall not withhold priceless nuggets of the finest moments from my May holiday spent lazing away with my bantering brethren of frolicking family and fiendish friends! You are invited to peruse through this finery of visual choice-cuts but, I regret to inform you that I was out of the Haribos on that fateful day when I came face-to-face with a slimy old sea monster with caterpillar eyebrows. My highly sympathetic state of acute sugar deprivation, ladies and gentlemen, was to be the brute that forced me to shamefully resign for the flight response! Please do not interpret the lack of photographic evidence of the aforementioned sea nasty, Boris, the Kraken, as yet another piece of mounting evidence for my blackguard lying ways! I promise thee, I shall pump enough sweets into my tummy the next time, prior to battle, that should a single white tooth of mine remain standing after this barrage of curative self-infliction I will not hesitate and flagellate my own body with the softest goose-feather pillows and then resume the cycle of Haribos treatment again – until I am oozing with the fighting prerequisites required to scuttle and booty shake Boris out of the basin of the seven seas! The photography that I do present herewith tells of the latter part of my Half-term holidays when my scallywag crew from London bravely came aboard my tinted vessel that runs its course in the pleasant and sedate waters of Winchester. Guests, no matter of what stock, I tend to nominate as automatic shareholders of my respect, a loot most sought after, for you must have had a lion’s heart to not get knocked about, avoiding fatal peril whilst on route to mine. Might I add, a seeker for the eye of the storm must be another element of your soul and for which it would have led you to pursue my presence. Finally, how could I omit, a deep restlessness certainly must breed in those rueful blood canals in the prospective traveller because there is no more satisfactory business than to offer and cure the wearied traveller with a brew of the seas that rage and roar under the hood of a British teapot! Ah…. Seems like I have caught you unawares…! Giggle, giggle! Thou may be shy of admitting my return but keep your modesty in your pockets me hearties, a slithering smile has spread across your face and that obtrusive happy aura your wear right now is rather lovely – prepare to be doused in utter nakedness for I am stripping it from you, I think it’d make a more companionable mainmast for my beloved ship… :)) A quick synopsis of my galleon of photographs to aid with your bearings [steer your eyes in columnar fashion]: Figure 1. Yes, yes, that is me behind the helm of my Magic Box. Alas, no other soul in these territories seems or wishes to possess the secret knowledge and skill necessary to wield my light-contortionist device. The gnawing consequence of this limitation is that you are doomed to forever see horrid selfie-style shots of me which I absolutely detest – more so than the fetid sea gunge stooge himself, Boris! You might also be wondering whether I come equipped with legs?! I have three, third one is wooden, an excellent stout stick weapon for when my students insist to write their essays using unforgivable text message shortcuts! Damnation! Figure 2. You have been introduced to these four delectable ladies in my previous story. Notice how the photograph glistens like a treasure trove of unimpeachable tranquility, even that cuddly nebula, my Mumsy, shows not a single hint that she is the most expedient flip-flip thrower to have ever walked on dry land! Figure 3. Surely you will not stoop to the level of timber-tonguing termites and implore that I make your acquaintance with this camarilla of dodgy-looking rascals!? PAY ATTENTION to their faces. All is well in paradise is what one may take the pleasure of surmising at this point. It would do no justice to my wicked reputation of being a premier disturber of the peace if I were to overlook this discombobulating breach of my personality mandate! Luckily, help was on hand – every Pirate Bride has a Pirate Husband to play tag and it just so happened that my badmouthed, bushy-haired, and RED bandanna-donned buccaneer crossed exceptionally treacherous waters of an ancient sea to assist in spicing up my attempts at candid photography. Figure 4. THE MOMENT WHEN I STEPPED TO THE RIGHT TO REVEAL MY PIRATE HUSBAND, THE DISHONOURABLE CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW! Savvvvy!!!! Involuntary facial muscles engaged in OVERREACTED SPASM! Figure 5. My bonny lad may bear a throbbing heart squelching in algae and barnacles and silly sea shanties, not to forget, its fleshy quarterdecks completely frothed in tea – he relinquished that filthy rum when he married me – but my beloved rogue and scoundrel, be as naughty and wayward as he may be, is the most righteous man to have ever lived, if I say so myself! Always in flight from the law but eternally poised to fight for what he believes to be, ahem ahem, RIGHT… :)) Ye scurvy wretches ‘n bilge rat faced vermin, whatcha lookin’ at, when I says all ‘ands to the deck I ‘an wantin’ it be done before me sentence concludith ‘n dusteridth! Swab ‘em clean or else it be bootlickin’ me leather for ya! Aaaaaargh, aaaaaargh!!!! Oy, who’s nicked me parrot?!?!? Photography & Words: © Masufa Khatun | Mazzy Khatun Photo Stories | Summer Re-Union Series | UK 2015

Photography:Color on Other

Original:One-of-a-kind Artwork

Size:39.4 W x 31.5 H x 0.4 D in

Delivery Time:Typically 5-7 business days for domestic shipments, 10-14 business days for international shipments.