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...and That's How Seagull Shit Wound Up On Alpha Centari Painting

Wolfgang Näth

United States

Painting, Acrylic on Canvas

Size: 24 W x 30 H x 0.5 D in

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$9,600

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About The Artwork

Picture it: Sicily, Earth Year 2023, the serene beauty of a beach at twilight, waves gently crashing against the shore, the moon hanging gracefully in an indigo sky as the sun sets with a warm embrace of yellow and red hues. It was the perfect evening. “Kevin,” Commander Gronk barked, “Take some water samples.” It’s always “Kevin, take water samples,” never “hey Kevin, let's go abduct a human” or “hey Kevin, want to come with us to freak them out with a cattle mutilation?” “We already took water samples, Commander,” I said. “Then take some more, Kevin,” Commander barked again. So there I was, Alpha Centaurian On Duty, tasked with collecting water samples from Earth's oceans. Again. The mission was straightforward until our UFO's beam-up sequence went haywire. Instead of pristine ocean water, we snagged a seagull—Kevin, as I later named him. Chaos ensued as Kevin flapped and squawked in protest. Our spaceship, now renamed the USS Seagull Splat, became a surreal canvas for Kevin's artistic endeavors. Control panels and spaceship interiors were transformed into avant-garde masterpieces courtesy of an irate bird. Attempts to reason with Kevin led to more 'artistic expression.' The ship hurtled through space with a furious bird onboard, leaving our once-efficient control room in a feathery mess. In the end, Kevin became an accidental interstellar traveler, leaving our spaceship with a story to tell and a uniquely messy paint job. Lesson learned: never underestimate Earth's wildlife, especially when tasked with collecting water samples. And that's how seagull sh*t wound up on Alpha Centauri, all because of a cosmic mix-up and a bird with a penchant for intergalactic mischief.

Details & Dimensions

Painting:Acrylic on Canvas

Original:One-of-a-kind Artwork

Size:24 W x 30 H x 0.5 D in

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Delivery Time:Typically 5-7 business days for domestic shipments, 10-14 business days for international shipments.

I was always haunted by The American Dream that loomed elusive, reserved seemingly for others. Growing up in rural Nebraska is like having the cheat codes and you still can't win because you don't have enough tokens. I grew up on the middle of the farm crises in a troubled community rife with alcoholism and abuse where I was brutally bullied and physically assaulted daily at school. Against this backdrop, my early love for painting and drawing emerged as a lifeline. Watercolors were my preferred medium when I was young and spoke a language that transcended the hardships of the shit reality of where I lived. A self-taught artist, I didn't seriously delve into painting until I turned fifty. Prior pursuits led me down varied paths – several failed marriages, a useless Master's degree in Literature, a couple of unpublished books, roles in low-budget horror films, and eventually a soul crushing series of jobs as a web developer that provided a modest but often unsteady income. After the turn of the century one such soul crushing job lead me to Houston. The roots of my artistic journey delve into a Houston saturated with student loan debt, ironically leading to the exploration of renowned and free museums like the Menil and the Rothko Chapel. The Menil in particular lead to an immersion into the works of surrealists like Magritte and Ernst, the pop art of Warhol and Basquiat, and the impactful American collections. This informal education, akin to a free graduate degree in American art, percolated within me for two decades before I dared pick up a paintbrush. The catalyst for my return to painting was a traumatic encounter with law enforcement – a gun pulled on me by a police officer. The canvas became my sanctuary from PTSD, a thread connecting me to sanity in a turbulent period. Physical therapy after a severe bicycle accident in Colorado became financially untenable, prompting my return to the artistic realm. From color field abstract expressionism reminiscent of Rothko to magical realism inspired by Beksiński and hints of pop-art à la Lichtenstein, my work defies conventions. This eclectic mix, blended with landscapes from Bob Ross ultimately coalesces into what I term 'Americana'. The asking prices for my artwork may seem unrealistic for an unknown artist, a self-proclaimed outsider. Yet, understand that these prices are deliberate, a reflection of my desire to keep the originals - I'm really only interested in selling prints of my work.

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