Appendix 3 - It was just so hard! Drawing

The Inspiration; is one of the strongest memories I have to date of the beginning, of a wicked pattern of visual intimidation. Something which can be continually carried out, undetected! The identification of who, and the why of the who remains tricky! As there are still ongoing forms of this style of intimidation occurring, daily! It was utter coldness in the situation that someone grew around me. Conveniently. For them! The absolute sensation was literal feelings of fear were so strong, and deeply projected. By I am sure. Someone very skilled! Initially, I almost could not think to even begin to separate myself from it. I felt a sense of tight fear attacking me, constantly! However, in the first reports I made with regards to what was happening. I did try, and convey this was something bigger that what I could describe. But to no avail! In my private space I knew somebody else had done something, but I could not figure out what? Trying to get across something was wrong at that time, in those days was impossible. I am sure who, and what I experienced was people in, and outside of authority who would much rather have blamed, and investigated me. Rather than the actual culprits who consistently surrounded my life. Despite my ongoing attempts to be available to answer anybodies questions. But then again there is also an area of stalking in which somebody can not only become obsessed with you, but as part of that obsession create everything they possibly can so as to either make sure you end up in court, or the very least at a Police station! But their end goal, and part of their obsession is to see you be done, for anything they perceive as wrong! Some how seeing it again I suppose in a way I can control the scene Reviewing something that was not only visually painful But, also so intentional with a very strong physical impact Which felt like it was intentionally filled with levels of hate Some how being able to recreate a moment in my personal history stops, the thoughts from reoccurring, and playing in my head like a movie, and also curtails a constant flow of inner questioning, regarding such a moment! The internal question is how the individual managed to be on queue? as it were! In 2007 This scene was either the lead up to the Easter of 2007 aftermath, depicted in my collection BASB, or before it which means it was part of the aftermath of moving house with the poignancy being on someone's plan for the extra room in the property I gave up? It is a maybe! I still do not know to this day, if that is the direct cause of the experience of being stalked again, as it re-emerged in my life! All I knew was there were definitely 'formidable' women involved, or that is what they wanted to be thought, and were out to attack, me. I am without a doubt that configured into these attacks was someone who was mentally convinced they were in some kind of power struggle with me. Which means it was really with themselves. But thankfully, it was only ever one way. Looking back at the beginning, I do think I realise this as a period when what started out as 'domestic' incidents of an ex.....who was to sick to move on, had in some shape of form possibly returned, and grew into what I now feel is a form of terrorism. The pattern seemed like literally being under a form of non physical attack, yet faced with someone who could pull off though not like in war, but 'air strikes ' all the same. Why? Because they had a license to fly! Their presence to be in an area could be legally explained as a legitimate need, and could always be cross reference as that without their ulterior motive being detected! Trying to explain, and prove anything about a person in that position of power, and authority. With that level of expensive expert knowledge. With access to such an expensive vehicle,and tool. Was literally impossible! Especially, as someone who was not in a position to directly identify them. Which meant this could further relate to the area of being stalked by someone who you may know, or have been seen to be familiar with, but without being completely aware of what they do, and which licenses they have. Therefore, it could all appear to be so easily be explained away, because of someones duplicitous nature, or authoritative rights. However, that does not stop being constantly pressurised in public, and private, or being the constant focus of this individual! Despite contacting all the relevant authorities over the number of years of activity, to see if I was needed to answer any questions. Nothing appeared to be required. I knew I had met some notorious guys - at whatever it is, they did. I did not know the ins, and outs. By 2007, I had thankfully gotten out of all those manipulative style of relationships, and was extremely happy to have moved out of every property in which I had been in bad relationships. Though at the time warned against such men. Who had been known to others for their abusive history. Somebody saying to you don't go with him! Or get away from him - he will only ever bring you trouble. Without being told exactly why, is not as easy to get out. When you have met, and connected with somebodies family. When you have seen the side of someone claiming they desperately want to change. The component that keeps you in there, is the 'fix it' being deep in the painful belief that they have every right to be supported, and even loved during, and through, a very bad addiction, or phase in their life, and all the connotations, and associations, which also unfortunately go along with it, and unfortunately also become attached to you. Though, you do not do what they do. Before you can get out, and away from that type of relationship - you would have already seen a very human side to that person. Well, that is what you would like to believe, at least! Because nobody never really told you exactly why. You are in until you figure it out for yourself, and most of all you only finally get out. Because you realise you may have spent time with these persons, seeing all that you think you have seen of them. But you haven't. Because your are being dragged down into something else that they are doing. As well, as not being the only one in line for their attention, let alone affection they can show it. You find yourself realising you are just one woman, in a long line of other women! More than likely not first in the queue either. Hated if you stay! Hated, and pursued if you go! I felt a strong sense of peace, and happiness in my life moving on. Though, as a result of my relationship history. I could understand a certain amount of bad attention coming my way. Because after you leave someone, who knows what they may do. Therefore, once associated it may well be understandable as a result, to realise you would be looked to a certain degree. Due to those bad choices you had made, during a certain period of your life. It is also reasonable that once you have made it clear, you are nothing to do with those people anymore, for that level of enquiry, or attention to stop. Which within reason of the law it probably would. Which means only a persecutor style of stalker remains! I suppose what I would hope a viewer to think about is the connotation of the number plate! In the real seen, if I remember correctly. I do not think the figure was actually pumping gas! It seemed like deliberate attention was being actually paid too, I think the changing of the number plate? Now this can relate too.....as I have learnt over the years a a pattern of someone unknown, or known to me that I may no longer recognise - trying to indicate to me. Involve me, for whatever reason in what maybe an element of organised crime? Or it may just have been chance that I needed gas at the same time they did? Or may have been a deliberate mimic referring to the type of vehicle I drove for a living in which it is necessary to remove the number plate? The Medium Under which the 'cast' assembles! I always love working with pencils, be they led, or charcoal. I just love the layering effect they have under other mediums such as paints, especially watercolours, or how they work on their own My whole intention by the time I get to paper is literally to offload, and be able to get out the psychological pain, that has turned into a type of silent torment of any moment remembered! Thinking about the composition, does not come up initially. The composition comes about naturally. Or in some cases not at all. At times only appearing when a scene remembered, has collided. Which then calls for a split scene to be created! I will add further questions which as I progress through the visual explanations, that help me. Is......are the images created flat? To which the answer is probably, yes! Though, this info is repeated. This was the year of my life when after many years of attending Spiritualist meetings, and demonstrations. I actually decided to become a member of where I regularly attended. It is a subject, and area of belief which scares many people. Unfortunately, what can be attached to such a fear is sometimes ridicule, mockery, and other abuses!

Drawing:Charcoal on Paper

Original:One-of-a-kind Artwork

Size:4.6 W x 6.5 H x 0 D in

Delivery Time:Typically 5-7 business days for domestic shipments, 10-14 business days for international shipments.